To my five sons, fearless and beyond reproach! G. T. To my children and my godchildren. V. M. To all the children I coach in managing their emotions. S. d. N. Under the direction of Romain Lizé, CEO, Magnificat Editor, Magnificat: Isabelle Galmiche Editor, Ignatius: Vivian Dudro Translator: Janet Chevrier Proofreader: Kathleen Hollenbeck Graphic Designers: Armelle Riva, Thérèse Jauze Layout: Gauthier Delauné Production: Thierry Dubus, Audrey Bord Original French edition: Trop de Joie! © 2018 by Mame, Paris © 2021 by Magnificat, NewYork • Ignatius Press, San Francisco All rights reserved. ISBN Magnificat 978-1-63967-011-6 • ISBN Ignatius Press 978-1-62164-602-0
Gaëlle Tertrais • Violaine Moulière • Ségolène de Noüel Caroline Modeste Handle My Emotions how to THREE STORIES ABOUT SHARING JOY
Contents Introduction.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 1. A Box of Chocolates. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 2. The Birthday Party. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 3. The Bike Ride.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 What HaveYou Learned from These Stories?. . . . 46 The Pathway through Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50 Parents’ Corner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Joy is a wonderful emotion! Unlike fear or anger, it is a pleasant emotion, so you may wonder why you would ever need help handling it.Yet, depending on what you do with joy, it can either open your heart to others or cause you to focus only on yourself. In these stories, you will learn how to recognize the emotion of joy: when you wear a smile from ear to ear, when you feel like jumping about and singing at the top of your lungs, and when everything around you seems beautiful. You will learn how to share your joy, how to share it with tact, and how to persevere when difficulties arise. God is the source of our joy, and he wants us to experience all the benefits this emotion can bring. In each story, through the little pictures in the margin, you will accompany Elliot and Charlotte as they progress through their experiences of joy, and discover the entire toolbox of virtues they are using to make the most of it. 7
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9 1 A Box of Chocolates “Charlo-o-o?! The postman is here with a package for you!” “Yippee! What fun! A package just for me!” Charlotte didn't need to be asked twice: she took the stairs two by two, rushing to get to the front door. Her heart felt as though it skipped a beat. “A package!” she thought. “How exciting!” Charlotte’s mom handed her a round box wrapped in a pretty gold paper. On the outside were Christmas postage stamps. “Hmm,” thought Charlotte, looking at the address. “I've seen that handwriting before. This is a present from Uncle Max!” Charlotte notices how her body is reacting.
10 Once Charlotte ripped off the wrapping, she surveyed with delight an entire box of chocolates. Inside, the pieces were neatly arranged in rows—milk chocolates and dark chocolates with yummy fillings. “Oh, can I try one?” asked her little brother, Norbert, reaching his hand out to take a piece. “No! They're mine!” shouted Charlotte, snapping the lid back on the box. She rushed back into her room as her brother yelled after her: “Selfish!” But Charlotte didn't care; these chocolates were hers! She wasn’t about to let him spoil her joy! Comfortably seated on her bed, Charlotte was ready to savor the chocolates all by herself. To start with, she chose one wrapped in pretty silver paper. She unwrapped it and felt the chocolate shell crunch between her teeth. Then a praline creammelted in her mouth. Mmm... it was so-o-o good! She picked out another one covered in hazelnut chips and ate it in one bite. She gave a deep sigh of contentment. How good it tasted... Charlotte owns her emotions.
11 The chocolates disappeared into her mouth, one after the other. The rows became shorter and shorter. Charlotte knew she should stop, but instead she thought, “Just one more.” And after she ate that chocolate, she said to herself, “Well, this one with pistachios will be my last piece.”
12 All at once, Charlotte realized she had gone too far. She started to feel queasy. Her joy gave way to a tummy ache. She was forced to lie still for a while until her stomach settled down. In time she sat up and leaned her cheek against the frosty window by her bed. Then she spotted the little house of Auntie Ivy, her elderly neighbor. That gave her an idea! “Auntie Ivy will help me feel better!” thought Charlotte. Quickly hiding her chocolate box under her pillow (just in case Norbert came looking for it), she put on her winter coat and went outside. Auntie Ivy opened her door with a big smile. “Come in quickly, my dear! Brrr, it's so cold out!” While Charlotte warmed herself by the radiator,Auntie Ivy gaily busied herself. She hummed as she pasted labels on the jam jars she had prepared last summer: “Strawberry Surprise,” “Apricot Delight,” and “Blueberry Bliss.” Then she tied them up in silk ribbons. Her jam jars had been transformed into pretty little packages.
13 Charlotte asked her, “Why are you wrapping those up? Aren't you going to eat them?” “No, my dear,” Auntie Ivy replied. “I'm going to give them away!” “Really? But to whom?” Charlotte asked. “Ah well, that will be a bit of a surprise even for me. I’ll give them to whomever I happen to meet tonight.” “No! Really?” Charlotte thought to herself, stunned. “Auntie Ivy was going to give away these delicious jars of jam to total strangers? What a crazy idea!” Auntie Ivy saw that Charlotte didn't understand, so she tried to explain. “Sharing with others when you don't have to, that's what it means to be generous,” she said. “And generosity brings happiness to both those who give and those who receive.”
14 “Well, okay, those who receive—I understand their joy,” Charlotte agreed. “But those who give? I don't see how that can make them happy when it means less for themselves.” Auntie Ivy smiled and her eyes sparkled. “It's true that at first it's hard not to keep everything for yourself,” she said. “But once you begin sharing, you realize you're richer than before. Your heart grows bigger!” Charlotte thought of the chocolates she had wanted to keep for herself. Auntie Ivy's voice interrupted her thoughts. “I'm all set,” she said. “Would you like to come with me?” “Oh, yes!” exclaimed Charlotte. “I want to see this!” Back outside, Charlotte helped Auntie Ivy pull her shopping cart with the jam jars tucked safely in place. Darkness had fallen, and the cold stung their noses, but how delightful it was to stroll among the bright, festive decorations! Everything looked and smelled like Christmas! Charlotte’s heart once again filled with joy.
Charlotte and Auntie Ivy came upon a beggar shivering in the street. Auntie Ivy suddenly stopped, rummaged in her cart, and placed one of her jam jars into the hands of this poor man. A big smile lit up his face, and he bobbed his head in thanks! Charlotte was pleased to see this, and she smiled back at him. Just like that, her little old neighbor was already off down the street. Charlotte caught up with her, and they walked on to the corner supermarket, where each cashier received a little jar of jam. They hardly had time to thank Auntie Ivy before she was off again!
Back on the sidewalk, Charlotte walked straight into Elliot, who was just stepping out from his guitar lesson. “What are you doing here, Charlo?” he asked in surprise. “I’m keeping Auntie Ivy company,” Charlotte replied, reaching into the cart. “Here,” she said, offering Elliot a little jar of jam. “That's for you!” “Oh, uh, that's... that's cool!” Elliot beamed. “Thank you!” Charlotte and Ivy continued their little tour of the neighborhood until, little by little, the shopping cart was nearly empty. The two friends offered their last gifts to a mother and her three children. The woman looked quite tired after a hard day, but then the same miracle happened again: a chilly winter face lit up with a sunny smile.
17 The chimes of the town clock signaled that it was dinnertime. Before running off, Charlotte hugged Auntie Ivy and told her how much she had enjoyed their adventure. “Giving away all that jam was so much fun!” thought Charlotte. “I wish it could go on forever!” Back in her bedroom, Charlotte started to think. She pulled the box of chocolates from under her pillow and realized she had the choice of keeping the rest for herself or sharing them. She longed to eat them all then and there, but something within her had changed: she felt that by sharing them, her joy would increase. To be generous—that’s what she wanted! Charlotte recognizes her need to spread her joy! Charlotte chooses the virtue of generosity. Charlotte stops to think.
18 To give herself courage, she stretched out her arms and opened her hands. “You can’t give with closed fists,” she thought, smiling. Charlotte wrapped up all the remaining chocolates in gold paper and ribbons! Charlotte chooses a tool: open hands.
19 She then slipped quietly into each bedroom, looking for the best place to put her chocolates: one on Dad's pillow, one on Mom's book, another in her little brother's sneakers, and one next to Annie's stuffed panda. She had one more chocolate left. Where could she put it? As she considered eating it, Charlotte opened her other hand and remembered her generous neighbor. “Auntie Ivy! That’s it!” she thought, all excited. With her wool hat down over her ears and a scarf wrapped around her nose, Charlotte set out. Guided by the glimmer of the streetlights, she placed her last chocolate on Auntie Ivy’s doorstep. She rang the doorbell and crouched in the shadows, eager to see what would happen. Auntie Ivy opened the door and searched the darkness to see who had rung. Then she spotted it, right at her feet: the piece of chocolate from Charlotte. She carefully gathered it up and unwrapped it. Then, with eyes closed, she Charlotte practices the virtue of generosity.
chewed it slowly with an enormous smile on her face! Charlotte's heart overflowed with a joy much bigger and much deeper than before! She felt as if she had wings. Still lost in thought as she
21 returned home. She was surprised to find Mom, Dad, Annie, and Norbert bubbling with happiness in the front hall. They gave her big hugs and showered her with thanks for her chocolates. Even little Norbert said his sister was the best! Thanks to Uncle Max and Auntie Ivy, Charlotte learned that there is more joy in giving than in receiving. And she now knew how to handle the joy of getting good things: with open hands. Charlotte learned to use the virtue of generosity (the l ittle sister of justice), which means freely sharing with those around you—not just when you must.
19 18 To give herself courage, she stretched out her arms and opened her hands. “You can’t give with closed fists,” she thought, smiling. Charlotte wrapped up all the remaining chocolates in gold paper and ribbons! She then slipped quietly into each bedroom, looking for the best place to put her chocolates: one on Dad's pillow, one on Mom's book, another in her little brother's sneakers, and one next to Annie's stuffed panda. She had one more chocolate left. Where could she put it? As she considered eating it, Charlotte opened her other hand and remembered her generous neighbor. “Auntie Ivy! That’s it!” she thought, all excited. With her wool hat down over her ears and a scarf wrapped around her nose, Charlotte set out. Guided by the glimmer of the streetlights, she placed her last chocolate on Auntie Ivy’s doorstep. She rang the doorbell and crouched in the shadows, eager to see what would happen. Auntie Ivy opened the door and searched the darkness to see who had rung. Then she spotted it, right at her feet: the piece of chocolate from Charlotte. She carefully gathered it up and unwrapped it. Then, with eyes closed, she Charlotte practices the virtue of generosity. Charlotte chooses a tool: open hands. 53 52 From their earliest years, children are able to identify specific emotions, and from the age of reason, they have the capacity to deal with them. This unique series on the emotions responds to that potential with both faith and guidance, offering a virtuous pathway to a happy life. Joy is a highly valued and sought-after emotion. We get out of bed every morning in the hope of happiness. Joy is a feeling of exultation that makes us feel strong. It's a sign that we are in harmony with our surroundings, that our hopes and desires will come to fruition. As a parent, teacher, or educator, how do you teach joy to children? First of all, be open to the causes of joy. We have five senses that enable us to be receptive to our surroundings. Take time to encourage the child to pay attention to the signals our bodies send to make us aware of good, pleasant, and beautiful things all around us: Through sight—the loveliness of the countryside, the kindness of a smiling face… Through smell—the aroma of freshly baked bread, the scent of a flower… Through hearing—the sound of music, the song of birds… Through taste—the sweetness of caramel, the spiciness of cinnamon… Through touch—the warmth of sunshine, the comfort of a hug … Once we are aware of the causes of joy around us, we can experience wonder and gratitude, which are sisters of joy. Transform This Test through the Virtues Your five senses allow you to appreciate each moment of joy. And these little moments of joy added to one another contribute to a happy state of mind, giving you high spirits. • Like Charlotte and Elliot, you can transform a short moment of joy into true happiness thanks to the virtues of generosity, tactfulness, and perseverance, which open you to others. Your joy will increase as it spills over to others; it will never run out. That's how joy enters the virtuous pathway. It then goes beyond being a pleasant emotion and fills your heart. • On the other hand, when you seek pleasure solely for yourself, without sharing it, you may momentarily feel happy, but your heart remains empty. And so you seek more, but in vain. This endless search for pleasure leads to greediness, which is a vice, the opposite of virtue. Greediness makes us more and more dependent on pleasure, which little by little isolates us and can even lead us to use others to satisfy our desires. That will make us unhappy, for we are made for relationships, to love and be loved. Joy expands our hearts and opens us up to sharing. It radiates out to others. Joy encourages us to hug, to celebrate, to share, to give, and to welcome others! However, sometimes, joy can lead to self-absorption, which distances us from those around us or from the situation we are in. That’s what happens when there is too much joy combined with a focus on ourselves. parents' Corner Don't forget: Knowing how to identify something as good, pleasant, or beautiful leads to joy. Three engaging stories on the subject of joy Valuable tools to help children share their joy with tact and generosity. Explanatory pages for adults to help the children they love. THREE STORIES ABOUT SHARING JOY 23 2 The Birthday Party Elliot couldn't sit still. His birthday was coming soon! He wanted to celebrate with an amusem nt park right at home. There would be an inflatable pool filled with bouncy balls in the yard, a giant slide down the stairs, and, in the attic, an obstacle course between elastic ropes. There would be music. And all his friends would be invited: Tim, Jack, Oliver, and Charlotte! He couldn't wait. If only he could make time go faster! He had butterflies in his stomach and ants in his pants: he hopped; he twirled; he jumped for joy. Elliot notices how his body is reacting. 49 Virtues come to the aid of emotions! In each story, to share their joy with others, Elliot and Charlotte chose a virtue. Do you know what a virtue is? A virtue is the habit of choosing to do what is right. At first, that Virtue of generosity • Virtue of tactfulness • Virtue of perseverance • • Charlotte and Elliot choose to smile when faced with difficulties. • Charlotte opens her hands in order to share. • Elliot breathes as he lowers his hands and repeats: “Tactful, Elliot. Be tactful.” Since it's not always easy to practice the virtues, Elliot and Charlotte find tools to help them! Find these tools in the stories and link them below to the corresponding virtues. Do you know any sayings about joy? “Happy as a lark” or “I’m on cloud nine” are two. Can you think of two others? Do you know? Guided steps to help children recognize emotions and manage them with the aid of good habits. I STOP TO THINK... I act... 6 7 8 9 How will I handle my emotion? Vice oR vIrtuE ? 2 3 4 The Pathway through Emotions 5 1 I own my emotion. An emotion is a reaction to an event perceived by our five senses. It tells us we need something. Then it's up to us to work through it! To better understand what's happening, follow Elliot and Charlotte along the pathway of emotions! 1. Experiencing a Stimulus I have a positive experience involving other people or my surroundings. 2. Sensing My Emotional Reaction I sense: lightheartedness, the smile on my face. I feel: relaxation, strength, awe at the beauty before me. 3. Identifying the Emotion I ask myself: What am I feeling? I realize: I feel joy. 4. Owning the emotion I own the emotion for what it is: an emotion itself is neither good nor bad. How will I handle my emotion? 5. Discerning What to Do I think about what would be good for me and others. 6. Recognizing What I Need I need to share, to celebrate, to open myself up to others. 7. Seeking Ways to Answer My Need VIRTUES/VICES Generosity, tactfulness, perseverance. Greediness, tactlessness, moodiness. Happiness Love, peace, joy, respect, selfesteem, and so on. Unhappiness Closing in on myself, being insensitive to others, giving up too soon, and so on. 8. Making a Decision I choose how to react: to share, to be attentive to others, not to give up. 9. Taking Action I use the tools that will help me exercise virtue: open up my hands, lower them down as I breathe slowly, and smile. 10. Practicing Day after Day Regret Temptation So now, how do I deal with my emotion? Let’s break it down into steps. Written in language children can understand. fOR AGES 7 AND UP
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